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Intimacy

What Is Sex Coaching?

by Dr. Sonia Wright, MD

I was introduced to many of you on the “Cozy With Rosy” evening event that Dr. Lyndsey Harper and I hosted in February. For those of you who may not know me, I’m Dr. Sonia Wright. I’m a medical doctor, a sexual counselor and a life coach. I bring all of my knowledge, training and skills together as a sex coach, helping women embrace their sexuality. I’m on a mission to end the emotional pain and isolation associated with sexual difficulties and help women create the sex lives of their dreams.

When I introduce myself, people nod and are happy to meet me, but...they often have a perplexed look on their face. I can tell they would love to ask me a question. It’s actually a question that I get a lot…

“So, Dr. Sonia, what exactly is a sex coach?

Dr. Patti Britton, the author of the book The Art of Sex Coaching, describes sex coaching as a “results focused approach to help clients reach their highest sexual potential.” You can think of sex coaching as integrating the mind, body, spirit with sexuality and experiential learning. Basically, sex coaching incorporates counseling, education, home assignments, and other resources to help clients obtain their goals.

As sex coaches, we are encouraged to think outside of the box and tap into all of our skills and resources in order to help our clients obtain the pleasurable sexual intimacy that they deserve. But, each sex coach is different. We bring our unique experiences and skill set into our practice. Some sex coaches are focused on mindfulness. Others may be focused on body work. Still other sex coaches may not have any formal training and base their work on their life experiences alone. It is important to investigate and understand the background of the sex coach you choose to work with. In short, each sex coach has unique training and/or life experiences which inform their sex coaching practice.

For me, specifically, I combine my sexual counseling skills, life coach training, medical knowledge and my experience working in a sex toy store to create my unique brand of sex coaching as The Midlife Sex Coach for Women.

I utilize a holistic approach that emphasizes talking, processing feelings, identifying thoughts that are not serving us, changing the thoughts and taking action to improve any sexual difficulties. I also like to promote body positivity as well as personal empowerment for women. As you can see, sex coaching allows me to create a unique coaching practice that’s all my own.
To me, sex coaching is like going on a sacred journey with women as they explore their thoughts and feeling about sex and sexuality. I provide a safe place for women to explore the unique path leading to their sexual fulfillment.

The majority of humans are sexual beings and have a right to a fulfilling sex life (a small percentage are asexual which is also fine). If clients are experiencing emotional distress related to sex and their sexuality, then I’m here to help. It is my goal to provide a safe, nonjudgmental, and healing environment in which a woman can talk about any issue.

If there is a lack of sex intimacy in their lives, then I work with them to identify out their thoughts around sex. Maybe they are thinking… “sex is too much work or it will take too long.” Maybe they think their libido is broken. Whatever the thought, it is generating a feeling which in turn is leading to actions and ultimately results that they do not want. First we look at the thoughts and feelings around their sexuality and then we come up with a plan to improve their situation. My job is also to support them while they implement that plan in their lives.

For example, if a woman is thinking “my libido is broken” the odds are she is feeling ashamed or perhaps scared to engage in sex. These feelings are going to make her less interested in sex. Her actions might look something like ...avoiding her partner, withdrawing from her partner’s touch or creating such a busy daily schedule that there’s no time for sex. The result will definitely be reduced sexual intimacy.

But through sex coaching, she could explore her thoughts and realize that her thoughts ultimately dictate her results. Perhaps, she can change her thought to something like “My libido is not broken, it's still here, but in a different form.” Then her feelings might change from shame to maybe a more neutral feeling like curiosity. Her actions would also change and she might be more willing to explore ways in which she can enhance or kick start her libido. Different actions will lead to the new result of improved sexual intimacy.

Sex coaches differ from sexual therapists in that we are focused on accomplishing a goal in a designated period of time. We are not focused on long term therapy. If a client is dealing with ramifications of trauma or sexual abuse, any issue that is going to take an extended period of time to resolve, then it’s appropriate for the client to be referred to a sexual therapist.

Also, Sex coaches do not spend much time dwelling on the past. If a deep dive is needed to sort out past issues and family dynamics, then a sexual therapist would also likely be a better fit. Finally, anyone with a mental health concern such as depression or other psychiatric condition should work directly with a sexual therapist who is specifically trained to deal with psychiatric issues.

So, in summary...

  • Sex coaching allows practitioners to combine their training and life experiences to create their unique form of sex coaching services. Every sex coach is unique. So, it’s important to understand the extent of their training and skill set before hiring them.
  • Sex coaching puts the woman in control of the process and the outcome. The woman, not the sex coach, is the one who determines what the sexual intimacy goals should be and then they work together to make it a reality.
  • Sex coaching tends to focus on the present and the attainment of a goal in the near future.
  • In my form of sex coaching, I put an emphasis upon the thoughts, feelings and actions in order to create a new sexual intimacy result.

So that’s a quick introduction to sex coaching. I look forward to spending time with you in the monthly “Cozy With Rosy” sessions. Feel free to ask me any additional questions that you may have about sex coaching and learn more about me here.

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Rosy hosts monthly Cozy With Rosy Sex Coaching events for our users. Join Rosy today to be on the invite list!

Dr. Sonia is a medical doctor, a trained sexual counselor and an experienced life coach. She combines all of her training, knowledge and skill as The Midlife Sex Coach For Women. She's on a mission to end the emotional pain and isolation associated with sexual issues and help women create the sex lives of their dreams!